Relationship anxiety, for those who are unaware, refers to those sentiments of anxiety, worry, or even insecurity that can crop up even in the most stable relationships. In fact, it can crop up at any time- without making itself visible or clear. One fine day, you might wake up next to your partner and then realize you are unnaturally worried about a relationship that you were pretty relaxed about just the day prior. You wouldn’t even have a clue as to why you are under such duress regarding your relationship and will start asking your partner questions that you might have never thought about your entire life.
It differs from individual to individual. Your friends might not go through relationship anxiety, but you may have it. This doesn’t mean that your relationship is weaker than theirs. It simply means you and your partner are a little polarizing to each other. If you keep enabling that anxiety, you will next start believing that it is you who doesn’t like your partner- even when it might not be correct.
But Why Does Relationship Anxiety Occur?
Relationship anxiety usually occurs as a result of past experiences. This usually takes the shape of any former traumatic relationship that you may have gone through. It can take shape if you suffer from extremely low self-esteem, or some form of an attachment disorder that makes it extremely difficult for you to engage in some form of emotional, or physical intimacy. The anxiety originates from what you have already gone through in the past, and your fear that it might take place again in the future. In all probability, your fears will never be realized, but your subconscious has decided that it could potentially be dangerous for you, as well as the relationship.
When Does Relationship Anxiety Become Overwhelming?
Relationship anxiety can become overwhelming when you start getting obsessed with the following questions-
1. Do You Matter?
There will be moments in your relationship where you will wonder if your partner considers your existence. There will also be moments when you might think that your partner doesn’t care about you anymore. If you let these feelings fester, you will be left with a ginormous hole in your heart, where you will keep thinking that you don’t matter at all and that the relationship would be better served without you in it.
2. What Is The Next Thing That Can Go Wrong?
Que sera sera- so there is no reason to expect the worst. Yet, our human heart can’t help but jump to the worst conclusion possible. But that doesn’t mean that you stop trying to live and exist in constant fear of your relationship getting destroyed. A relationship is supposed to make you feel loved, wanted, and cared for, not paranoid and anxious.
3. What Is My Partner’s Motivation?
Relationship anxiety can take a major form if you are constantly wondering why your partner does things the way they do. They might purchase a nice gift for you on your birthday, but rather than accepting the gift and showing gratitude, you start wondering the motive behind their actions. Why are they doing it? What do they want? You will never be assuaged, because you believe your partner can’t just do things to make you happy.
8 Ways To Help You Deal With Relationship Anxiety
Nevertheless, here are eight strategies to deal with relationship anxiety.
1. Try To Get To The Bottom Of Your Anxiety
If you actually want to heal yourself, and your relationship from this relationship anxiety, the best way to do so would be by introspection. Go deep within yourself to find out the root cause behind this irrational anxiety. Have you been hurt before? Are your current actions the result of past trauma?
2. Be More Aware
Do you know who you are? You absolutely have to. There must be a catalyst- something that is preventing you from experiencing a proper relationship. Try to find peace within yourself because that is where it all matters.
3. Think Before You Act
Rather than jumping the gun, why don’t you take a few minutes to think about your actions before you act on them? Overreaction is pretty common in relationships where both partners are anxious and into each other. While there is nothing inherently wrong with it, it can lend itself to relationship anxiety. So, when it becomes difficult, take a step back and determine everything around you.
4. Boundaries Matter
If you think being in a particular relationship is giving you anxiety, break the relationship before it breaks you. Remember, relationship anxiety has long-lasting effects on one’s psyche and the subconscious. You can choose to be in an abusive or toxic relationship out of love, but it will end in you bawling your eyes out. Set boundaries, so that no one is able to take advantage of you.
5. Couples Therapy
If you feel you have done everything that was possible for you to do and still your relationship doesn’t seem to be working, try couples therapy. You never know- it might help your relationship before it is too late.
6. Communicating Well
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. If you truly want to deal with your relationship anxiety, open up and talk to them.
7. Work on yourself
Try to be the best version you can be and it doesn’t matter how long it takes you for that. You have to understand- you matter, both to your partner, and yourself. If you let yourself go, simply due to your anxiety, it will not help anyone.
8. Appreciate The Good People In Your Life
If you don’t want them to leave you, you can always appreciate the value that they bring to your life. And for that, you would have to actually express it to them. You can’t just keep that to yourself, for people are not telepaths.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What Are The Symptoms Of Relationship Anxiety?
Relationship anxiety can manifest itself in multiple ways. The suffering and anxiety are as mental, as it is physical. Physical symptoms include headaches, stomach aches, and heart palpitations.
2. Should I Leave If I Get Relationship Anxiety?
If you feel that the relationship is taking you for granted, and you are being mentally, and emotionally abused, it would be in your best interests to leave.
3. Is Feeling Relationship Anxiety Normal?
The short answer is Yes, it is normal. However, the intensity varies from person to person. As such, it is not normal when anxiety overwhelms the happiness that comes from a relationship.
Relationship anxiety is not something you should be afraid of, or consider to be the boogeyman. They are common and can be dealt with if both partners cooperate with each other.
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