Not like he was featured in the top list of the sexiest men alive on earth but for me, he was the most divine looking man I ever laid my eyes on. It happened years ago yet I remember how I felt the first time I met him at an international seminar. He wasn’t the type you would forget in a hurry; he looked more like he was straight out of a Victorian painting. As dreamy as it might sound, once I beheld that beautiful face, something inside me lit. For my good, we got introduced and I got asked out for a coffee, all for professional discussions after the seminar. Things rolled on and we started seeing each other more often. It wasn’t soon enough that we both realized we were kind of into each other.
The honeymoon phase
This was when we were hanging out like crazy, meeting each other after work, or stealing time between work. Half of the time I kept wondering why he would keep asking me to meet up, exchange numbers, and continually is interested in me, beyond work. My initial reaction to all these happening so quickly was that of disbelief. I was so smitten with his looks that it was almost like a dream that such an extremely hot guy was actually after me. Why me? I thought I looked downright average and to be asked out by a guy who made every woman’s ovaries scream in desire was a noble experience; something that boosted my confidence and made me feel elated most of the time.
OMG! He was sitting right across the table. It would be a lie if I said my heart didn’t skip a beat every time I looked at that radiant face; my heart pounded so loudly, it almost always drowned his words. He looked deliciously edible – his eyes, his jaw bone, and the way his lips parted as he opened that sweet mouth to spread into a dazzling smile every time I cracked a silly joke was ethereal. Oh boy! He reduced me merely into a cupid-struck teenager, gushing all over him. With him around me, I was barely in touch with reality – wishing I could dive in those mystifying eyes or feel the touch of those luscious lips on mine. He was turning a completely sensible person like me into a nerve-wracked girl, totally spinning out of control, all with his mere presence. I noticed how he turned everyone’s heads when he walked into a room but it never really bothered to be as I was too besotted like the other women to even claim him as mine. For me, he was that perfectly created human before whom I merely looked like a fool.
The disillusionment phase
As time went by, we started getting to know each other at an emotional level. That really didn’t stop my heart from fluttering now and then he came close to me. We were both getting serious about each other and he proposed. To say the least, I was enthralled. We were finally officially together. This gave a new dimension to the relationship. For the very first time, what unfolded beyond the looks was a very modest, understanding, and loving partner. I couldn’t ask for more. He was completely and madly in love with me; so was I. As our relationship intimated, things around us weirdly changed or maybe I started to overthink things more often. I was very possessive of him and he never had a problem with it. But the overriding amount of attention he got from women around us when we were together sometimes coxed paranoia out of me. I also realized that my girlfriends were viewing me in a different light since we started dating. They kept mockingly asking me detestable kinds of stuff like ‘what did you do to bewitch such a hot guy?” “How was it getting into his pants?” That really tossed me over. I wondered if some of my girlfriends were subtly jealous of me dating him or if they were eyeing him too.
I won’t disagree that I did get jealous when he attended a girl who looked better than me, in my eyes. In all of these, he wasn’t to blame. But my insecurities got me and I frequently started to argue with him about trivial issues like women approaching him, or texting him, flirting with him openly, despite my presence. It was as if our relationship was a joke to other women and he was always available for them. Something that calmed my anxiety was the way he dealt with other women. He was very respectful of them and politely declined any indecent proposals he got. It was very difficult to stay angry at that cute puppy face he made at the end of every argument. The making out afterward burnt with passion.
That face was so charming that I forgot to have passing crushes on others. Good for me. Women of all ages fumbled around him; he had that impact on women. I could literally see them crushing hard on him. But it gave me a guilty pleasure to know that, that man out there is MINE. He loves me. He chose me among millions of other options. He chose me and will keep choosing me every single time; doesn’t matter if I look good enough for him or not. He witnessed my soul, in the most natural shape possible, battered, and damaged yet he chose to fall in love with me.
The intimacy phase
With time, the effect of his looks on me wore off. It was merely a fact as the relationship aged. What took over, instead, was an inseparable bond that surpassed the external beauty. He still stole my heart in a glance but the person I knew now was way above and beyond just good looks.